u know wat.. i'm actually super pissed off till i burst out crying while talkin to him on phone.. i mean.. my birthday coming, i know it suayly fall on wed but i wanna celebrate twice too(one wif frens, n one with him alone).. dar says he wanna celebrate with me.. i mean my poly mates going IPP.. i cant possibly ask them out on tt day, they will be too tired.. plus timing not right n this n tt.. susgest to go on sat 25th instead.. planned to eat steam boat de, thinking of buying good food, so asked them to pay 15 each.. maybe its x.. understand n decided on going sentosa tanning, play V.ball, maybe for the ride too.. called dar to tell him abt the change of plan.. he's like pissed off with me, kept changing plan. he said his fren comfirm for the steamboat le.. now i change again.. DO U THINK I WAN???
then 1 says got things on need to leave at 4pm.. 1 says her bf off work at 1pm, he not coming, she also not coming, then the other says he really broke, cant even squeeze 10 bucks out, n another one going overseas.. HOW CAN I MANAGE?? WHO SHOULD I LISTEN/FOLLOW???
STOP IRRITATE ME WITH THE BD THINGY LE.. FINE!!!!!!!!! I DUN WAN ANY CELEBRATION LE.. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

used to think tt birthday is a wonderful thing, i always look forward to my birthday.. but i dunno y.. this yr it simply sux to core..

tot my bf could give me a big surprise cos after all its our first yr together celebrating my bd.. but he got his own limit too.. i know tts y i cant help but venting anger on him recently.. he din know the real reason.. but i'm jus sad.. used to spent my bd with my best fren.. but she have her own love n life to go on too.. i cant bother her anymore.. the feeling is damm bad lo.. even though its quite lonely, bored last time, no bf.. at least i dressed nicely went out happily walk walk, shopping, or went sanging, throw everything out of my mind.. i've no family to celebrate since young, i'm used to it.. my mum used to give me 2bucks to buy a slice of cake for myself, sing bd song to myself.. i'm always sad.. the feeling of spending with daddy n mummy doesnt happen real for me now anymore.. tts a pathetic childhood.. i hate surrounding with elderly.. dun tell me its sweet or its's warm...they're faking n there's so much restriction.. i change love to hatred.

i dun wan to fan.. its jus a birthday, but i'm feeling so stressed up, felt tt every1 was like a rock, dar's was a super huge one, all of them stacking up onto me.. higher n higher, higher n higher till i cant breath at all.. the feeling for reaching the start of early 20's is so scary.. every1 head for their individual lifes le.. no1 will have time like last time.. i understand, jus listen let me sob for one last time please.. maybe i'm not used to it still.. In the 20's world, MONEY is the key.. i wanna earn tons of money.. i cant afford to be poor.. its terrible..